Lately I have been thinking there is no preparation at all for being a mom. Which means you have to figure it out as you go, and the unexpected always happens. I knew this already, I knew that I had no clue what would happen and what to expect and what I was doing. But we wanted to do it anyway, just like everyone else. So here’s what I have learned so far:
Lesson: Don’t ask obvious questions. Sample conversation with Tommy.
Tommy (on the way home from school)– I got paint on my finger, Mommy.
Me – That’s okay Bubba, we’ll wash it off. Did you paint today? What did you paint?
Tommy – My finger. Even at 2, he sounds impatient with me.
We adults must tax him sometimes, with all of our dumb questions.
Lesson: Don’t expect questions to be answered in a normal way, or at all.
Tommy: Hi Mommy, nice to meet you.
Me (I’ll play along): Nice to meet you too, what’s your name?
Tommy: Two and a half.
He does name one of his stuffed “friends,” as he calls them, based on his own age. So the little white bear was named “two,” now his name is “two and a half,” and I can only assume in May he will be called “three.” So maybe my boy’s new name is “two and a half.”
Lesson: Prepare to be told what to do by the child. Even this boy, who is only just mastering language, tells me what to do. He tells me, no Mommy, you don’t touch it (the toy). No, you don’t sing (well, that’s probably best), you go to the living room (he needs to pee in private now, so I can’t be in there). Speaking of singing, songs are fair game for revision: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when friends are dream. What? Is this what he hears? Should we get his ears checked? I’ll admit, some of these songs are kind of weird for kids- it’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring, went to bed and bumped his head and couldn’t get up in the morning. This song disturbed me when I was a kid. Why was this old man sleeping on a bunk bed (the only way you can bump your head when you go to bed, I figured). Who was on the top bunk? And why did this person not help the old man up in the morning? Did the old man die? I wondered. You think I was a little bit too analytical as a kid? Probably.
Lesson: Small errands are very big adventures to a 2-year old, which is the coolest thing. We go to the “grakery” inside the grocery store and Tommy needs a donut. He doesn’t like donuts, but he needs one to hold, to have, to lick, to flick sprinkles off of, leaving a trail through the store, to fly around like an airplane, then hand to me in the pasta aisle. “All done. You need a gumball.” Now I’m thinking, I have to buy this donut, I might as well eat it. Which reminds me of another lesson: kids can wreck your diet without even trying.
Lesson: Sometimes you have to be a kid to get the jokes: Tommy’s most hilarious stuff now is potty humor. Dinner is always “yummy in my butt!” And he is still reminding us that our friend Jamie, who came to visit 3 weeks ago, says “pee wee in the potty.” Out of nowhere, he says, “Jamie says pee wees!” and cracks himself up. Real laughter too, the kind of laughter that makes you smile and fills you up with happiness, and he does that all on his own.
Lesson: Get used to saying weird things, like “no fingers in our butt at the dinner table.” After a while it’s not weird, it’s normal. It only becomes not normal when your friends come over and laugh at you, then you realize you are saying strange things and sounding like your own mother.
Lesson: Don’t talk about what you are going to do unless you are sure you will do it. For example, don’t tell the child that you are going to a birthday party tonight when a snow storm will possibly keep you home. Don’t promise a Happy Meal unless you know you can deliver. Don’t tell him that you plan on taking him to the Coconut Bowl indoor play place tomorrow, because the difference in time between today and tomorrow is 24 hours, which in 2-year old time is about 500 years.
The best lesson of all, appreciating all the little things like Tommy does. New pens for his easel, huge sweet tarts, a watermelon slush from Sonic, these are the things that make his little heart leap. And we can provide, we can be his heroes, how cool is that? I am going to hold onto this feeling for as long as I can, because when he is a teenager and only a car will do, well, I’m not sure if I will be able to come through.
