Blady, Blady. Corn, Underwear and my Latest Read. And Weird Pageant Stuff.

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I am watching Toddlers and Tiaras and thinking I should really do a blog post already but could I just get some inspiration?  The problem is that my plan was to post about my theory that I am allergic to corn.  Or you know, intolerant to it.  But do you know how boring the post is?  This is me:  boo hoo, I can’t eat Red Vines, chewy Sprees, most chocolate, Captain Crunch, chips, ice cream, etc. anymore, poor me.  Seriously, corn is in everything and I am trying to quit without crying like a baby in the cereal aisle at the grocery store.  That’s the gist.  It feels near impossible to quit corn, but Trader Joe’s helps.  I refuse to quit the tamale-making tradition at Christmas, and beyond that, I’m moving on, a happy mostly corn free life.  Good news for you, the reader of this blog, but that’s all I have to say about that. 

After nixing the corn post, I was thinking about sharing the embarrassing moment number 6.  I mean, this one is good but it’s not top 5 material, so I don’t really know if I should go through the deal of explaining, but I will.  Anyway, here is my newest embarrassing moment.  Those who have been reading this blog regularly know from the dork post that I tend to collect embarrassing moments.  Then I rate them in my mind like the Top Ten on the Late Show and share them with every one I know.  So here is number 6:  Tommy has to bring a little crib sheet to school for naptime, and at the end of the week we bring it home and wash it.  So apparently the last time I washed it, I had some of my underwear in the load as well.  Well, you know, fitted sheets tend to grab things.  So when I went to pick Tommy up from school on Monday and I went to get his daily report out of his cubby I found myself thinking,  Why is there a pair of underwear in his cubby?  Whose underwear?  They are too big to be kid underwear.  Oh. My. God.  Those are my underwear.  I am imagining all the kids getting ready for naptime, the sheet being shaken out, the underwear flying, the staring toddlers, and God only knows what Tommy said.  And could it have been a new pair?  Oh, no, it’s that raggedy old pair, because that’s just how things seem to go.  All right, so as far as embarrassing moments go, it’s not as good as knocking someone off a ski lift or walking down an airplane aisle with the toilet paper flapping, but it’s good enough to keep in mind for a party story, or a work meeting that is just boring and awkward.  I like having these stories in my back pocket, so now I’ve got a pretty good one. 

Back to Toddlers and Tiaras.  Not to be all judgey, but what the hell is wrong with these people?  Tanning, chiropractic adjustments, shaving, tons of makeup, spending $1,000 on one dress to be worn one time, totally crazy.  The funny (and sad)  part is the interviews: 

Parent:  “Oh, she just loves it.  She just tells us, Mommy and Daddy, please let me do pageants forever.  So we do.  We do it for her.  It’s her thing, we are just there to be supportive.” 

Child:  “I usually don’t like it. Well, you know, sometimes I like it, you know, if I win. But if I lose I just feel so guilty.  And it’s boring.  But my mom likes it.” 

Ack, gross.  Don’t cry honey, you’ll wreck your makeup.  Seems like this phrase should not be uttered to a 4-year old, but maybe I’m old fashioned.  

I am reading a lot of young adult and middle grade novels.  Do you guys remember Judy Blume?  I reread Blubber over the weekend.  When I read it as a 4th grader I was terrified by how mean kids can be and what was in store for me in junior high.  This time when I reread it I wanted to slap those mean kids around.  The funny thing is, some people never get over that mean stage.  So maybe you should give a copy of Blubber to your mean coworker.  That’ll do it. 

I am out of ideas for now.  But who knows, I might have another good embarrassing story to share soon.  School is starting shortly, that should offer good “non-trad” stories. 

 Two of my friends who have recently started blogging:  Ex-Capades and Two Poods.  Also check out my cool coworker’s blog.

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